Just a little fun
by izedlatte
Summary: The first chapter in what looks to be my own series of FF7 fan fics. They center around the Turks and Rufus, with a bit of.... well, read to find out.
1. A New Beginning

I do not now, nor have I ever owned FF7 or its characters, though it would be nice if I did. This fic is totally pointless and just.... just...... WOO! Yeah...... by the way.... Sheza is a band thang. JOIN THE BAND!!!!  
  
-=-Rufus smirks as he brushes a strand of his blonde hair from his crafty, blue eyes. He gazes at his invincible hand and then shifts his gaze to his opponent across the small table.-=-  
  
Rufus- This is your last chance. You can back out now and save yourself the humiliation, I won't hold it against you.  
  
-=-His red-headed challenger peers up and returns the smirk. There is no way he can be beaten with this hand.-=-  
  
Reno- Now, now, just because you were the president doesn't mean I'm going to give up so easily.  
  
Rufus- Alright then. You first.  
  
Reno- No, no, after you.  
  
Rufus- Fine. On the count of three. One...... two..... three!!!  
  
Reno + Rufus- ROYAL FLUSH!!!  
  
Reno- Damn it!  
  
-=-Rufus leans back in his chair, throwing the cards to the ground.-=-  
  
Rufus- That's the sixth time we've had the same hand!! I can't take it anymore!!  
  
Reno- *thinks* hrm..... how 'bout we play rock-paper-skizzorz for it?  
  
Rufus- It's scissors, you moron.... and o what the hell.....  
  
Reno + Rufus- Rock...... Paper....-  
  
-=-Suddenly, the door of the small room flings open with a startling thud and Elena bursts into the small apartment where the two are now playing rock-paper-skizzorz. ^_^ -=-  
  
Elena- Rufus!! Reno!! We just received impor--  
  
-=-Mid-sentence, Elena notices that her two comrades are sitting at a card table............... both wearing only their boxers. She stumbles back, not seeming to be able to take her eyes off either of them.-=-  
  
Rufus- *to Reno* I thought I told you to LOCK the door....  
  
Reno- Shit! I knew I forgot something!!  
  
Elena- O.......my.......gawd....  
  
Sheza- BECKIE!!!!!!  
  
-=-There is a *P00f* of shredded band music as Sheza disappears from the scene. Reno, Rufus, and Elena exchange confused glances and shrug.-=-  
  
Elena- What the fic are you two doing?!?!  
  
Reno- Uhhmmm..... nothing..... he..he...he... you're just hallucinating.....  
  
Elena- Haha, very funny.  
  
Rufus- No really.  
  
-=-The three Turks are momentarily distracted as a p!nk and green cow floats by along with some handy household appliances. As the cow drifts over Elena, someone turns on the gravity, smushing her like those tiny centipedes you sometimes find in college dorms that I think sound like graham crackers when you..... wait..... dang it!!!-=-  
  
Reno- Well..... I guess that takes care of that problem. Think she's okay?  
  
Rufus- Yeah, and if not, I have enough pocket change to get us both bail.  
  
Reno- Sweeeeet.....  
  
-=-After both are fully dressed and the writer has gone through several more writer's blocks, ummmmm...... they........ uhhhhh..... damn!! Wait... I got it!! No.... lost it again..... ARGGGGGG!!!!! I SOUND LIKE BARRET!!!!!!!-=-  
  
Reno- Umm.... yeah. What are we gonna do now?  
  
Rufus- We have to wait 'til the writer has another idea.  
  
Cloud- That could take a while.  
  
Sephiroth- Where'd you come from??  
  
Cloud- I was hiding behind that large and strangely human shaped cactus in the corner.  
  
Rufus- Why?  
  
Cloud- I found a doughnut over there.  
  
Reno- Makes sense.  
  
Sephiroth- That reminds me, I have to go to the dry-cleaners and pick up some stuff. Anyone wanna come along?  
  
Reno- Whatever.  
  
Rufus- I guess.  
  
Cloud- Do they have a bathroom? I never got a chance to go through the entire game!! I thought I was gonna die!!  
  
-=-The three ....er... four head off to the dry-cleaners in Wall Market. Pi minutes later they reach their destination and go in.-=-  
  
Cloud- *bumping into a wall* Is it dark in here or is it just me?  
  
Reno- Give me back my shades, Clod!!!  
  
Rufus- *colliding with a strategically place piñata* No, it is dark in here.  
  
Vincent- Sorry, must be my fault.  
  
Sephiroth- *to the clerk* Hey!! Wherever you are, I'm here to pick up my capes!  
  
Clerk- One moment please.  
  
Vincent- What brings the rest of you here?  
  
Cloud- I don't remember.  
  
Rufus- Writer's block.....  
  
-=- Just then, Rufus' coat pocket start to vibrate violently. Cloud, Vincent, and Reno all do a double-take for no reason.-=-  
  
Cloud- Hey, Rufus..... I think you have a gerbil in your pocket.  
  
Sephiroth- *turns around* Where?! Lemme' see!! I wuv gerbils!!!!  
  
Reno- ... *backs away*  
  
Rufus- No, I have my cel phone set on vibrate.  
  
-=- Reaching into his pocket, Rufus pulls out a small, blue and gold cel with "Go Blue" written on it.-=-  
  
Rufus- *flipping it open* Hello?  
  
????- Band, Band, here come the band! Band, band, band, the marching band!!!  
  
Rufus- ...?  
  
????- TAKE THAT BACK!!!!  
  
Rufus- Who are you and what are you on?  
  
????- Silence!!! I am the one asking the questions here!!! Now, do you like to dance?  
  
Rufus- *now extremely confused and irritated* What does that have to do with anything!?!  
  
????- Incorrect! You must pay the penalty by..........*dun, dun, dun* CATCHING THE BLONDE!!!!!!  
  
Rufus- I'm already blonde!!!  
  
????- .....the dumb blonde, like Clod.....  
  
Rufus- *looks at Cloud standing there* Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!! *hangs up*  
  
Reno, Cloud, + Sephiroth- Nani!?!  
  
Rufus- *pant, pant* ....it..... can't...... be ....true....  
  
Cloud- *walks over to Rufus* Hey, man. You okay?  
  
Rufus- Stay back!!! *stumbles over to the other side of the room and hides*  
  
Reno- What could have that person said???  
  
Sephiroth- Why were you two playing "that" poker in the beginning of the fic???  
  
Vincent- Hey! Where'd my doughnut go?!  
  
Cloud- Who knows where I can find a bathroom?  
  
Clerk- These and other related pointless questions to be revealed in a possible sequel. Tune in next week or you too might catch the blonde!!  
  
Sheza- Mwahahahahahaha!!!!!!  
  
Authors words of advice: Don't ask!!! 


	2. Yeah

Yeah, I'll say it cuz I have to and I 'm trying to keep out of jail this week. Haha..... not like I would ever be there. *innocent look with evil smirk* Well, I don't own FF7 or That 70's Show, Pepsi yadda, yadda..... you know the drill. O and any spelling mistakes are INTENTIONAL sheesh.... I'm not a complete moroon. ^_^  
  
-=- FYI: Rufus has now been cursed with "The Blonde" and the Turks are hangin' out in the staff only lounge of the Junon Airport Base Thing. Reno and Rude are watching "That 70's Show" and Elena is sitting in her recliner, painting her nails. Of course Rufus is rocking back and forth in a dark corner of the room. -=-  
  
Reno- D00d, I luv this show.  
  
Rude- Yeah, D00d, you said it man.  
  
Rufus- No.... it isn't true..... I'm too hott...... I can't turn into a dumb blonde.....  
  
Elena- Quit whining Rufus, or I'll come over there and b@#$^ slap you!!!  
  
Reno- *eyes still on the TV* She has a point, you know.  
  
Rufus- *thinking* Well, I haven't done anything too stupid yet. *to Turks* Okay, what are you guys wat--  
  
-=- Just then Rufus slips on a rubber duckie that by some weird coincidence happened to be right in front of him. Rufus back flips and lands on his face with a loud *SNORT* .... I mean.....*THUD*-=-  
  
Duckie- SQEEEEEEEEEKIEEEEE *flies into the air and lands on Elena's head*  
  
Elena- *spills nail polish* @#%&*^*%%!!!!!!!!!  
  
Rufus- ow....  
  
Reno + Rude- *covering their smirks* Hey Rufus.... *heehee* ...are you..... *haha* ...okay? ......HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!  
  
Rufus- D#$^#%^$%@#$@#&*^%!!!!!!! STOP LAUGHING YOU....... YOU............... STUPID............. TH-THINGS!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Reno, Rude + Elena- HAHAHA.... he...... HAHA....... is a........ HAHAHA ......dumb blonde!!!!!!  
  
-=- Rufus runs toward the lounge door, sobbing with his face in his hands, but, having now caught the blonde, misses the doorway. He instead collides with a door-post-majig-that-hurts-when-you-run-into-it. Technically, this would've happened anyways cuz the lounge door was shut, but anywho....-=-  
  
Reno, Rude + Elena-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! * all fall over holding their stomachs*  
  
Elena- *giggle* Sir..... *snort* ........do you *tear*........ need some help? Heehee.....  
  
Rufus- Just #$^&^* off!!!!!!! *storms out of room, slamming the door behind him*  
  
-=- The Turks quiet their laughter for a second only to hear, "AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" *thud, thud, thud, thunk, CRASH, shatter, shatter!!!!* All three once again break out in tearful laughter. After a few minutes they all calm down and go down the stairs to check on their leader.-=-  
  
Reno- *calling down below* Hey, you okay, sir???  
  
Elena- *runs ahead to help him up* Do you need some--  
  
Rufus- X_x *bleed, bleed*  
  
Rude- HOLY $*&#!!!!!! HE'S DEAD!!!!!!!  
  
Reno- O #$^$%^$!!!! We're gonna be in some major #$^&$#$%#$% now!!!!!  
  
Elena- Nooooooo!!!!!!! Not Rufus too!!!! I just got over losing Tseng!!!!!!! *breaks down in tears*  
  
Tseng- Elena, what are you talking about????  
  
Elena- *double-takes* Tseng!!! You're....... ALIVE!?!?!  
  
Reno- Hold on here! *scratching record sound effect* You're dead!!!  
  
Tseng- No I'm not!  
  
Rude- Sephiroth killed you!  
  
Tseng- No he didn't. That was my stunt double, Seng.  
  
Reno- O, well I guess that clicks, but Rufus is still dead.  
  
Rude- What are we going to do?  
  
Elena- *clinging to Tseng's arm* I missed you soooooo much Tsengy-wengy!!!  
  
Tseng- Can't...... feel........ arm........  
  
Reno- We are so screwed!!!!  
  
Tseng- *pulling Elena off him* C'mon, if we think, maybe we can fix this.  
  
-=- The Turks stand by poor Rufus' corpse scratching their as- ....er..... chins and pondering like mad. Three hours later the blood is getting dry and it is the 467th time through the jeapordy song. Suddenly, in a whirl of, yes band music, Sheza appears and whispers something in Reno's ear. She hands him something green and shiney and disappears again.-=-  
  
Rude- What was that all about??  
  
Reno- *holding up a mastered "Revive" materia* This is just what the doctor ordered. Now if I just aim it right......  
  
-=- Reno aims the materia and casts Life 2. Unfortunately, it hits a broken piece of the wooden stair railing.-=-  
  
Railing piece- *high squeaky voice* I'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! *exits stage up*  
  
Tseng- A little more to the right.  
  
Reno- One more try. *casts Life 2 on dead Rufus*  
  
Rufus- .......ugh......  
  
Elena- Sir, are you alright?  
  
Rufus- I think I landed on my ass. *rubs...well...you know*  
  
Tseng- *looks at other Turks* What did you do to him while I was gone?  
  
Rude- Don't look at me, I wasn't even in that episode. *pouts*  
  
Elena- Ask Reno. He was the one playing... *muffle*  
  
Reno- *with hand over Elena's mouth* O, nothing happened, he was just cursed by some telephone solicitor. No biggie.  
  
-=-Meanwhile, in a telemarketing company near you...........-=-  
  
Boss- How's our plan coming?  
  
Employee- The black plague has spread through Rocket Town, we have confirmation that all toilets have been clogged in Costa Del Sol, and our teams have successfully added earwax to all flavors of jellybeans.  
  
Boss- Good work. Mwahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!  
  
-=- Back to the Junon Airport Base Thing-=-  
  
Rufus- You know....... falling down the stairs was kinda fun.....  
  
-=- Rufus rushes past the Turks to the top of the stairs and a loud *thud, thud, meow, thud, smush* follows. This time, Rufus' fall is broken by Elena.-=-  
  
Rufus- Thanks for breaking my fall, someone could've gotten hurt.  
  
Elena- x_X  
  
Reno- Guess I should revive her....  
  
Tseng- No! I mean ........she's not dead..... *kicks her a little*...... she's just taking a nap..... see?  
  
Reno- *shrugs* What ever you say.  
  
Rude- Umm........ now what?  
  
Scarlet- *walks in* What the !@$^%#$^ is going on here!?!?! Why is Elena *%^#%@# dead?!?!?!  
  
Rufus- She's not dead. Tseng says she's just sleeping.  
  
Scarlet- And why is Rufus acting like Clod!?!?!?!  
  
Cloud- Hey!!!! It's Cloud not Clod you $^#$%# bitch!!!!  
  
-=-Just then, Cloud trips oven a pink crayon and his spikey hair gets Scarlet right through the heart.-=-  
  
Scarlet- How....... how is...... this...... possible..........?  
  
Cloud- *holding hair gel tube* It's made by Pepsi, and it keeps my hair spiked 25/8.  
  
Scarlet- Well, if it's made by Pepsi, it works for me........... *diez*  
  
Rude- Now Scarlet AND Elena are dead.....  
  
Reno- Normally, I would say PARTAY!!!!!!!, but there are no girls left to partay with.  
  
Cloud- *thinking* Tick, tick, tick, ping!*to Turks* I know! You guys can come hang out with AVALANCHE!! We have girls!!!  
  
Tseng- Wouldn't that be kinda awkward?  
  
Cloud- *confused look* Why?  
  
Tseng- We're enemies, remember?  
  
Cloud- O..... yeah.......  
  
Rude- As long as Tifa's there I'm game.  
  
Rufus- I'm Rufus, nice to meet you.  
  
All except Rufus- *stare* Yeah...........  
  
-=- The Turks, minus Elena, follow Cloud to AVALANCHE's villa in Costa Del Sol. *yeah, it's been done 1000+ times, but tough* As they enter they find Barret and Red XIII fighting over the TV remote, Tifa and Aeris in a slap fight, Yuffie doing an Irish jig, Vincent sleeping upside down in a chair, and Cid stabbing Cait Sith.-=-  
  
Cloud- Ummm...... hi guys. I brought some friends!  
  
-=-Everyone stops what their doing and stares at the Turks with Cloud. Of course Vinnie is still sleeping and Sephiroth has appeared and is also staring open-mouthed.-=-  
  
Cid- What the @#%&^%&$%^@ were you%^#$%# thinking when you $^#%@#$@#$@#$! invited those $^%#%@#$ing @#%&#%!@$!$# here!?!?!?!?!  
  
Cloud- *firmly* Nothing at all.  
  
All- *sweatdrop*  
  
Reno- *watch beeps* Holy !@$!@#!!!! 5:30 already!!!  
  
Rude- No way!!!!  
  
-=- Reno grabs the remote and flicks on the TV as both jump onto the couch.- =-  
  
Barret- What're yo' doin'!?!?  
  
Reno- Hey! That 70's show is on!!!!  
  
Barret- Wha'?! That time already!?!? *sits down*  
  
-=-Cid + Red XIII join them-=-  
  
Tseng- Why'd Cid kill Cait Sith? Hasn't that been done enough times in other fan fics??  
  
Aeris- Yes, but the author is having trouble coming up with new ideas.  
  
Tseng- How did you know that???  
  
Aeris- You mean the Costa Del Sol villa, Cloud still being a dumb ass, and Cait Sith being offed weren't dead give aways?  
  
Tseng- I see your point.  
  
Sephiroth- I see that point and raise you 50 gil.  
  
Yuffie- I raise YOU 500 gil!  
  
Sephiroth- You're on!  
  
-=- Yuffie and Sephiroth both hold their breath until Yuffie turns orange, then purple, then blue-ish green. She finally releases her breath and gasps for air.-=-  
  
Yuffie- You.... *pant* ..... didn't even .......*gasp* ........flinch......  
  
Sephiroth- I already died, I don't need to breath. Now pay up.  
  
Yuffie- *giving him 500 gil* Lousy dead guy.  
  
Tseng- What the @#^$^ was that!?!?!  
  
Rufus- *jumping up and down* O! O! I know!!! Sephiroth beat Yuffie in a breath holding contest, right!?!?  
  
Tseng- That's right! Good Rufus! *gets out a puppie treat and waves over his head* Get the snack! *throws it*  
  
Rufus- *runs on all fours after the snack, but can't stop cuz Tifa just waxed the wood floor*  
  
-=-Whack!!!-=-  
  
Rufus- Mmmmm..... peanut butter.........*passes out*  
  
Clerk- What weird plot twists are in store for this new group? Is Rufus going to be the prominent dumb ass of this series? Will Cloud try to regain his Stupidity Title? Have I been promoted to this series' narrator/ending person? How many questions am I going to ask? Tune in next time for That 70's...... I mean...... whatever this series is.  
  
Barret- Would you Shu' up already!?!?!  
  
Clerk- Actually, I was gonna--  
  
Barret- I SAID SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!! ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*everyone crouches down to avoid the bullets*  
  
Rufus- *is unconscious*  
  
For the record- 1. I wuv Rufus, but it's just his turn to be the "blonde." 2. I'm hungry. 3. What was I talking about? 4. I think spiky should be spelled spikey cuz I do. 5. I'm STILL hungry. 


	3. HVD!

Howdy people! A great and powerful, and very exuberantly colored, being came to me in a dream and told me to say that I don't own Final Fantasy 7 or any of the copyrighted stuff that appears here in any way shape or form. I think it was the lawyer beyond the grave. XD  
  
-=- As the scene opens, we find the cast is seated on random pieces of furniture in the living room of the Shinra Mansion. A mezzo forte murmur of voices echoes through the room when Cloud stands up.-=-  
  
Cloud- *stomps on floor to get attention* Hey, let's start this meeting!  
  
Rufus- What meeting?  
  
Cloud- I don't remember.  
  
Tifa- The meeting you announced 10 minutes ago, duh!  
  
Cloud- Oh yeah. Well first off...... what is the name of this series?  
  
Rude- How 'bout "That 70's Show"?  
  
Barret- That's been done, foo'!!  
  
Reno- Well, what if we kill it's creators and steal then name?  
  
Aeris- *whacks him with the Wizer Staff* No. I absolutely despise violence.  
  
Cloud- Then why did you hit people with that stick all the time?  
  
Aeris- It's a staff!!! And besides, he started it! *pouts*  
  
Reno- Owwzerz...... *rubs head*  
  
Cloud- Oh.....well anyway, I have one more question. Why are we at the Shinra Mansion now? I thought we were living in the Costa Del Sol villa.  
  
Tseng- I can explain that. You see the author had a sudden stroke of genius and after she awoke from the proceeding coma, she decided that we should live here.  
  
Cloud- Oh.......  
  
Yuffie- Is there anything else?? I still have to finish maxing out all Rufus' credit cards.  
  
Rufus- WHAT!?!  
  
Yuffie- Eeeep! Umm.... hey look! It's ...... that one person..... that you should.... turn your head to look at!!!  
  
Rufus- Where!?  
  
Yuffie- *hides behind a chair*  
  
Cid- *walks over from the TV* Hey, guys...... I think we have a problem.....  
  
-=- Everyone follows Cid to the TV where they see Sephiroth making a speech. Cid cranks the volume so Sephiroth's speech can be heard clearly. -=-  
  
Sephiroth- My last attempt of destroying this planet failed, however, if I cannot destroy you all, then I will make you suffer! Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!  
  
-=- Suddenly the screen goes blank. As everyone silently waits for something to explode, an image starts to appear on the screen. After a few seconds, the group recognizes the show.-=-  
  
Red XIII- *sees TV and bursts into flame*AHHHHHH!!!!!! It burns!!! It burns!!!  
  
Cid- WHAT THE F#%^$&@#ing @#%^#^$%^$!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Rufus- Yippie! It's Hamtaro TIME!!!!!!!!  
  
Cloud- AAAAAAAAWWWWW!!!!! THEY'RE SOOOO CUTE!!!!!  
  
Barret- *holding head in hands* I can feel my I.Q. dropping!!!!  
  
Tifa- What I.Q.?  
  
Barret- *sniff* That hurt. *breaks into tears*  
  
Tifa- Bwahahahahahahahaha- *is whacked with Aeris' stick*  
  
Aeris- STAFF!!!!  
  
Vincent- This reminds me of a dream I had once. According to my dream, Sephiroth should appear right about.... *crash!*  
  
-=- Everyone stops what they're doing as the ceiling caves in above Yuffie, who is still hiding behind the chair. Sephiroth gets up from the rubble, brushes himself off, and then remembers his cue to laugh evilly.-=-  
  
Sephiroth- Muahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! How do you like my plan THIS time?!?  
  
Rufus + Cloud- WE WUV HAMTARO!!!!!  
  
Sephiroth- I foresaw this and hence all the episodes with Cappy were removed.  
  
Rufus + Cloud- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *sob, sniff*  
  
Rufus- That's *tear* so cruel....  
  
Sephiroth- I know! ^_^  
  
Tseng- Now what?  
  
Red XIII- Well, I was wondering, since I'm still on fire, if someone could perhaps cast some water magic in my vicinity.  
  
Everyone- ???????  
  
Red XIII- Someone throw water on me!!!!!  
  
Barret- *dumping a bucket of water on his head* Sheesh, you don't have to be so bossy!  
  
Red XIII- O.o  
  
Cid- What're we gonna do now that the TV's screwed?  
  
Tifa- CID!!! Watch you're language!!!  
  
Cid- *sigh* Fine. What're we gonna do now that the P.O.S. TV is @#$@#$@#$*ing @#%^$@#$*#ed!?!?!  
  
Tifa- Thank you.  
  
Rude- To the beach!!  
  
Aeris- Do they have Cliff Divers??  
  
Rude- That and hot chicks.  
  
Aeris- *holding several tons of luggage* Let's go!  
  
Vincent- Maybe I'll get a tan.  
  
Sephiroth- You need it.  
  
Vincent- That was rude.  
  
Rude- What? Did someone call my name?  
  
Reno- Shit! I'm hitting PUberty again.  
  
Yuffie- X_x *still under rubble*  
  
-=- The scene cuts to Costa Del Sol where the group is heading for the beach. -=-  
  
Rufus- This place looks eerily familiar....  
  
Cid- We lived here yesterday you @*^%@$!%&^%$ing moron!!!  
  
Cloud- *thinking* Damn! Rufus is trying to out blonde me. I'm even thinking!!! That little...... Well, I'll show him!  
  
-=- Cloud fishes around in his hair pulling out a blender, a lawnmower, a sequoia, and eventually a bag of Trips-a-Lot marbles. He dumps the bag's contents on the ground in front of a building and takes a few steps back. By now, Red XIII has noticed. -=-  
  
Red XIII- What are you doing? *everyone looks*  
  
Cloud- *bad actor-ish* Ooops! It seems I've dropped my lawnmower....er marbles. I'll get them.  
  
-=- He takes a running start and, as planned, slips on the blender. Cloud goes flying and lands face first on the wall. Tifa and Aeris run over to help him up. -=-  
  
Tifa- Are you all right?  
  
Aeris- Poor Cloud your bleeding.  
  
Cloud-*thinking* Hahaha.... that'll show Rufus! Owwww.... I think I broke my nose.  
  
Rufus- *thinking* ARG!!! Wait.... I luv this song! Doodoodoododododooo......  
  
Reno- Not the PUberty!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
Vincent- This is too weird for me, I'm going to get lunch.  
  
Sephiroth + Cid- We'll join you.  
  
Vincent- Ummmm..... I'd rather eat alone.  
  
Cid- What?? Too good to eat with us??  
  
Vincent- No.  
  
Sephiroth- Don't want us to find out you're a vampire?  
  
Vincent- *pointing Death Penalty at his head* NO!  
  
Cid- Then what the #$^*!@# is it!?!?!  
  
Vincent- I....I.......  
  
Sephiroth- You what!?!  
  
Vincent- I........eat french fries with.......a fork!!!!! *sobs*  
  
Cid- Ouch! That is bad!  
  
Sephiroth- *pats him on the back* It's okay, man. Sometimes milk comes out my nose when I laugh at dinner.  
  
Vincent- *teary-eyed* Thanks.  
  
Clerk- Why is the fic ending right now? What will the group do in Costa Del Sol? Why are they back in Costa Del Sol after they just left? Are my constant questions annoying you?  
  
Everyone- YES!!!  
  
Clerk- *sniff* You're all so hurtful! MOMMYYYYYYY!!!!!  
  
Cid- Gawd I need a smoke. *takes out some smokin stuff*  
  
Tifa- STOP CID!!!! THAT LOCO WEED!!!!!!!!  
  
Cid- *puff, puff* heh.......heh heh............. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! *runs around swinging Mop*  
  
Rude- AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  
  
Rufus- He'll mess up my hair! Not the hair!!!!  
  
Cloud- HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPP-*collides with Rufus*  
  
Rufus + Cloud- X.x ........ulk  
  
Reno- AhhHHhhhhHHHHhhhhhHHhhh!!!!!!!  
Note- The end would've been more logical, but I'm bored, I have grape juice, and I'M STILL FRIGGIN HUNGRY $%^$%$^@#%*%^&$ IT!!!!!!!!! 


	4. Another one?

-=- The author you are trying to reach is currently unavailable. Please leave a message after the tone.... *WARK!!* "Hey, I just called to tell you all that I don't own FF7 or CTR. And stop calling my house and hangin up!!!!! THAT'S SO ANNOYING!!!!"  
  
-=-Well, I guess I must set the scene before you review and read it. Wait, I mean write and review... no.... o just never mind! The gang has gone back to the newly remodeled Shinra Mansion, after discovering that Emerald Weapon was near-by and itching for revenge. Tifa and Aeris are having some tea in the kitchen, with some little tea cookies. Red XIII is napping, while Yuffie is trying to catch his tail. Barret and Cid are arguing over which of them has the best limit break, and Tseng is sleeping on the job in a recliner.*figure that one out!* Sephiroth and Vincent have gone to get some..... stuff....... Nobody knows where Rufus went.-=-  
  
Reno- Haha!! I get the first line!!!! You suck Clod!!!  
  
Cloud- It's Cloud, damnit!!!  
  
Rude- *quietly* Why don't I ever get the opening line??  
  
Reno- Who cares? I win! HahahahahahahahahahHAha...... *turns red*  
  
Cloud- Well, at least I'm not goin' through puberty!  
  
Reno- Grrrrr...... *grabs a cat that just happened to have been sitting near by*  
  
Cat- Hiss!!!  
  
Cloud- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  
  
Rude- *quiet and whiny* Doesn't anyone care?? I'm going through an emotional withdrawl here. I could use a little support.  
  
Cloud- *jumps into Phish's fish tank* Haag, haag ybol neber bet meg nowb! (Ha, ha you'll never get me now!)  
  
Cat- Hissssssss!!!!! *backs away*  
  
Phish- Blub, blub, blub.... *twitch of anger*  
  
Cloud- Uhb- ohg.... (Uh-oh....)  
  
Phish- GURGGLE, GURGGLE!!!! *steals his Master Summon materia and summons Typhoon*  
  
Cloud- Aggggggggggg!!!!! (You figure it out.....) *flies out of tank* *SPLAT! Drip, drip*  
  
Phish- *shakes fin in Cloud's general direction and goes back to knitting*  
  
Reno- Mwahahahahaha!!!! *pets the cat*  
  
Rude- *still quiet and whiny* Aw man, now my favorite jacket is wet. Aw dang, it smells like a pond. I don't wanna clean this up, mom.  
  
Tifa- *enters from kitchen* What's going on in-- *gasp*  
  
Cloud- *climbing out of a 5 foot deep, Cloud-shaped hole in the wall* I have to mow the windows now..... *passes out*  
  
Tifa- Reno..... *gives him "The Look"*  
  
Reno- *cringe* I.... It.... It was Rude!!  
  
Rude- *innocent look* Nu-uh.  
  
Tifa- Damnit! We JUST remodeled this place! You are in so much trouble! Both of you!!!  
  
Rude + Reno- But...  
  
Tifa- GO TO YOUR ROOMS!!!  
  
Reno + Rude- *quietly*Yes ma'm... *both scurry off*  
  
-=- After 2 hours of cleaning, the house is back to normal, except the pond smell. Tifa is waiting for Cid to get out of the bathroom so she can take a shower.-=-  
  
Tifa- *bangs on door* Hurry UP!!! I smell like seaweed!!!  
  
Cid- &^@)()*^#!!!! Wait..... weed??  
  
Tifa- Just get your ass out of there!!  
  
Cid- *walks out of the bathroom in a towel* Fine. It's all yours.  
  
Tifa- Finally! *rushes in and closes the door*  
  
-=- Back in the main room where every one except Cid, Tifa, Sephiroth and Vincent are watching Red XIII and Barret play CTR-=-  
  
Barret- Haha! Take that Red!  
  
Red XIII- Take what?  
  
Barret- I'm kicking your ass at this game!  
  
Red XIII- I have paws. How am I supposed to use a Playstation controller?  
  
Barret- How should I know?  
  
Yuffie- Sit on it, Red.  
  
Red XIII- Okay. *sits*  
  
Barret- What the.... *blanches* How..... how.....? ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!  
  
Red XIII- Interesting.  
  
Yuffie- Cool.  
  
Cloud- *waking up* What? Where? Why are you saying arg?  
  
Tseng- *whispers to Cloud* He says Arg because he's really a pirate.  
  
Barret- I am not!  
  
Tseng- Yes you are. Shinra has it on file.  
  
Barret- Take it back or I'll keelhaul the lot o' ya!  
  
Cloud- Then it's true! Phish is a leprechaun!!!  
  
Phish- ...  
  
Reno- *peeks out of his bedroom door* Is it safe to come out?  
  
Rude- *doing the same* Yeah. Is she gone?  
  
Tseng- She's in the shower.  
  
Reno + Rude- *sigh of relief*  
  
Reno- Damn, I really need some alcohol. To the fridge! *walks toward the kitchen*  
  
Cloud- *grabs Reno's shirt and gets on his knees* No, man! Don't go in there! Aeris is cooking dinner! You know how it is when she's cooking dinner!!  
  
Reno- *blink* Ummm..... yeah. So what?  
  
Cloud- She'll eat you alive!  
  
Reno- *pictures and Aeris-Dragon* Okay. *pulls Cloud off his shirt* I'll get you one too.  
  
-=- Reno casually walks into the kitchen, opens the refrigerator, grabs two beers and heads back to the living room. Suddenly, Aeris appears in front of him, blocking the doorway with a ladle. -=-  
  
Reno- Ummm.... Hi, Aeris.  
  
Aeris- Finally I get a line! Oh, Reno, do you see something wrong with this kitchen?  
  
Reno- *looks a bit confused* Not... really....  
  
Aeris- *leans closer* There is something wrong with it. Can you guess what it is?  
  
Reno- I.... umm..... *gulp* ...I don't know...  
  
Aeris- *evil look* You're in it.  
  
Reno- ....shit....  
  
-=- We return to the main room where Yuffie is again trying to catch Red XIII's tail. Loud crashes and surprisingly high-pitched screams can be heard coming from the kitchen.-=-  
  
Red XIII- Why are you trying to catch my tail?  
  
Yuffie- It looks like materia if you squint at it really hard for 5 hours straight.  
  
Red XIII- Right.  
  
Tifa- *walks in* Hey guys. What's all that racket about?  
  
Cloud- He wouldn't listen. He's a goner.  
  
Tifa- Uhh... Tseng?  
  
Tseng- He went in while Aeris was cooking.  
  
Tifa- What a moron.  
  
Rude- Tif, are you still mad at me?  
  
Tifa- Awww.... I couldn't stay mad at you. *hugs*  
  
Rude- *hugs back* Yay. *sniffs hair* Mmm.... *sniff* heh *sniff* heh heh heh *sniff* hahaha..... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
Tifa- What the hell!? *smacks Rude*  
  
Rude- *twitch* Heeheeheeheehee.... ulk...... *passes out*  
  
Yuffie- What the hell is in your shampoo?!  
  
Tifa- I didn't use mine! I left it in my room, so I had to use Cid's!  
  
Cid- *appears suddenly in the room* You WHAT?! %(*@#$#@^$*^!!!  
  
Tifa- What in the name of Meteor did you put in it?! CRACK!?  
  
Cid- Duh! %^&#%(* that crap is ^*(&%^&$@ing expensive!!  
  
Aeris- *pokes head out of kitchen and smiles* Hey, dinner's ready.  
  
Everyone- WOOHOO!!  
  
Tseng- *to Aeris* Oh, where is Reno? He has to be at work tomorrow. We have a mission you know.  
  
Aeris- *big smile* He just stepped out to drink his beers.  
  
Tseng- *looks at the bloody, broken window* Okay....  
  
Clerk- Is Reno okay? How long will he be in the hospital? Where did the fish and cat come from? Is this getting old? If I were the author, would I say tough monkeys? Where did Sephiroth and Vincent go? That'll be 25, 769 gil.  
  
Sephiroth- *sigh* Fine. *hands him the money*  
  
Vincent- ...  
  
Author- *discos* Ah ah ah ah stayin alive, stayin alive!! 


End file.
